Friday, May 28, 2010
A Tribute to my Ah Ma.My ah ma is a strong woman, very strong, stubborn and super independent. Her husband passed away young when my mom was still young and since then she brought up 8 kids single handed. She was protective of her children, she was fierce but reasonable. Stories from my uncles were that she would often chase them around to beat them cause they were super naughty and my ah ma would never let them go hungry even when times were bad. She earned some money from making and selling some food and even saved up to go on holidays. Some of the fond memories were travelling with ah ma, I would always be unhappy cause she would forced me to sleep in the same hotel room with her when I wanted to be with my other cousins but I would do anything just to slp next to my ah ma again. Times when she scolded me, times when she brought my cousins and I for a free movie at queenstown, times when I stayed over and she still forced me to slp with her, times where she would always push money to me, and when I reject I would get scolded. There are so many big and small incidents that are memories that stay with me forever and which I cherish. My ah ma was a great woman, she's 87 with 8 children, 19 grand children and 8 and a half great grand children. Anw, my grandma whom I call ah ma (mom's mom) passed away peacefully on the 24th of April 2010. I miss her sooo much :( Each time I go to my uncle's house now, every corner of the house just reminds me of her. But at least I know she's not suffering anymore now. Well, my ah ma fell down unfortunately in Nov 2008 which she had a hip replacement done so her movements were rather restricted for months and not being able to go out whenever she wants to made her think that she wont be able to walk or do anything on her own again. And then it led to depression and minor strokes and getting into fits. Soon her fits were more often every few mths, in and out of hospital. Being the stubborn lady she was, it was really difficult for every one to get her to take her medicine, she just wanted to leave the world cause she thinks she's being a burden. It was really heart breaking, but what could I do? Then she was admitted again cause she had really bad fits which took quite long to subdue, then a minor heart attack and lung infection. The doctors told us to make a choice whether to sent her to icu, which we decided not to cause we knew that was her last wish, no wait. it wasnt even her wish. We just let her be, giving her medication to make her feel better. I stayed overnight at the hospital with mummy, praying for her and just being by her side. A few days later, I had to leave sg for my overseas attachment for 3 weeks and the doctors told us to prepare cause it may be anytime within the 3 weeks. As much as I could enjoy during the trip, part of me was worried sick. I dint know what to do if anything happens but lucky enough ah ma was strong, she always was. She pulled through for another 2 mths till....One day, it was also our (Ryan and I) monthsary and we just finished dinner going for our movie in 5 mins when my mom called to say my ah ma had difficulties breathing and that she is in critical. When I reached her house, the house doctor was already there and he advised that she be send to the hospital immediately. Delima. my ah ma ever said since the last time she was admitted that if anything were to happen, she doesnt want to be sent to the hospital, she wanted to spent her last few moments at home. But we dint knew how long is she gonna suffer, so we called for the ambulance to AH. The doctor said that her lungs are filled with liquid and that she's too weak to receive any treatment, the only thing they could do was to pump in antibiotics to relieve her pain and within the next 2 hours we would be able to know which direction she's heading to. Ah ma was then wheeled to the ward, and cause she had loads of phlegm stuck at her throat she was unable to speak. My Uncle was relating then that ah ma gave a super unhappy face trying to tell us no she doesnt want to be warded. I think she knew then that she was leaving cause she told the maid that she saw her brother (deceased) the previous night and din't want to go in the hospital. So, after an hour. All my uncles and aunts decided to bring her back home cause the antibiotics were not working anyway. The doctors were unsure, they say that she was too sick and that she might not even survive the journey back, but we're gonna try. Its my ah ma's wish so throughout the whole time while waiting for the paramedics, we kept telling her to hang on we're are bringing her home. Her face lightened up a lil and she nodded while forcing a smile.Back at ah ma's place, my aunts' 2 friends were already there and as my aunt is a strong Buddhist, she always goes for prayers and whenever someone they know is about to pass on, they will rush down to the place to chant. So the chanting started at about 1am, only the children stayed, my dad brought my brothers back home first as they were tired, he asked if I wanted to go with him but lucky I did not cause at around 5am, I was sleeping on the couch when I was awaken by my mom saying that ah ma is leaving. I sprung up from the sofa and rushed to the room, the atmosphere was stale, we were told not to weep in front of my ah ma but was allowed to tear. We all knelt and chanted till she took her last breathe...By noon, almost the whole family tree were there and the tent for the wake was up downstairs on the field where ah ma said she wanted it to be. I got to clean ah ma's body, it felt cold but she looked very peaceful like she was asleep. Then, the body was carried down to the wake where the coffin was. Did some rituals and the coffin was sealed, as Buddhist we believe that doing embankment was a painful thing for the dead so we did not and sealed the coffin.It was a 5 days wake. I stayed over all 4 nights with jeroy, some of my other cousins stayed over on a few nights too. There were prayers every night. It was a huge tent, big, airy and spacious. Throughout this few nights, the whole family got really close, we were all quite close before but even closer that few nights. During the funeral a few of my dad's friends came too, a few of them had some 'special powers' and they saw my grandma's spirit wandering about the wake, smiling looking very happy to see all of us there together. On the last day of the wake, we send her body for cremation. Then collecting the remains the next day, putting them at a private temple at shrusberry street. We have to go pray every friday for the following 7 weeks, tmr will be the 5th.Some stories to share: My uncle, aunt and the maid who took ultra good care of my ah ma dreamed of my grandma. She was back to the fat times in all of their dreams. The dreams that wanchuen (eldest brother's gf) had were unbelievable. The first dream was that she dreamed that she was in this room, brightly lighted and there were many people but non she could see their faces, everyone was waiting for someone-ah ma to return home. Then this lady (ah ma) returned but chueny couldn't recog her in the dream cause this lady was fierce looking and fat, just like how ah ma used to be in her younger days. Then she asked chueny who she was and then she was given a paper and pen to write all her particulars which she did. When chueny woke up, she told my brother immediately and drew out how the house looked like, she was puzzled cause it dint looked like my ahma's house or my house. When she drew out, my brother told her it was my ahma's old house which we spend our childhood there. Its demolished now just a few blocks away from their current place, when I saw the drawing she drew, I literally had goosebumps, very small chance of being wrong cause houses nowadays do not have that layout concept. Her 2nd dream was just a few days ago which she immediately called me when she woke up, she asked if we went to offer offerings and pray to her recently, I said yup we did. She then told me she dreamed that she was at the funeral when she was drawn to the coffin when suddenly my ah ma woke up and held her hand pulling her nearer to the coffin, she freaked out. My ah ma talked to her but she could only remember my ah ma telling chueny saying that she is fine now, she is happy and its very good here (there), tell them (the family tree) not to worry and not to cry anymore. My aunts and mom still cry every now and then. I told my family and aunts and they were really amazed. Sometimes, somethings are just hard to believe. One of ah ma's last few wishes was that she hoped that the whole family would still gather every now and then and to keep in contact. Of course we would ! we would still organize trips overseas and bbq ocasionally. the first gathering would be on 26th june, a BBQ session which I'm organizing !! YEAH.This is just a short tribute to my beloved ah ma. From her passing, I truely understood the meaning of not waiting till one's gone to regret not doing something for him/her. My other granny has been asking me to take her to vivo when I'm free cause she wants to eat the thunder rice there but I've not done so. I'm gonna bring her as soon as my term test ends. I dont want to regret if anything were to happen, things are just so unpredictable.
Oh my goodness, I just realized its an ultra long post.