Life these weeks have been pretty miserable. Worst, I don't know the reason why I'm feeling so down and depressed lately. Perhaps its school or maybe work is tiring me out. If that was the case, I'm no different than a beansprout. I used to be a strong girl and issues like this used to be so trivial I can't even be bothered.
Its 2 weeks into school and I'm not enjoying it a single bit. I've got no friends in class, which makes me a lonely dolly. So I pay attention to the lecture which can really bore me out ! I find it so hard to make new friends in lectures like this because you go to class, you find a seat and you pay attention, when the class ends, you leave. That's what I'm experiencing so far, and its driving me nuts ! And sometimes I just don't know what to say to strike a convo, sigh I used to be so outgoing and chatt ! Where's the old me ?! :(
Well, friends in school are important. But what is most important is me liking the course, and sad to say, I'm not. Well, the only reason I took this course was because I needed this field of knowledge for a particular reason which I really hope it will come in handy. *fingers crossed. I'm only interested in it about 25% so I am not happy at all, lectures are fast and hard to understand. Besides, its not exactly what I'm good at. I'm really so lost and depressed. If only I had the money, I would quit and really pursue something I really like and can excel in. I'm so disappointed in myself saying this, but I kind of regret.
This is gonna be a tough 3 years of my life but I've gotta be more mature now. Suck thumb ! push myself harder and hopefully everything will turn out well. I've gotta force myself to get use to it. And...
I really wish you were here to support me through all this, be my strength of pillar. Its so difficult without you now and I feel like I'm falling into pieces.