Its 2.56 am and I can't sleep. Thoughts running through my head. Feeling lost and lonely and that no one understands me. Not even myself at times.

I'm indecisive and scared. I have doubts at everything and I need a 3rd party to always confirm my decision so I know there will be a lesser chance of failing. Its so frustrating because I'm losing faith in myself.

I have no passion in anything. No aspirations no goals. I say my future is bleak. I'm not willing to settle for small things or little pleasures. I'm not that simple. I get angry at myself thinking that I will have to settle for a simple life or not being able to provide luxuries for my family.

Sometimes for a split second I have thoughts of running away. Not being here. Not being in this country. To start afresh somewhere no one knows me. Sometimes I wish I could just perish.

Should I lower my expectations. Stop thinking so highly of myself and settle for less? Sounds really useless but if it means to be happier in life. Would you?

Life here sucks. Pressure pressure pressure.

I just wanna be in a better place now.